It has been to long.  I have been in this weird, odd mood.  I haven't wanted to write still.  Life has been busy.  My days consist of school then work then taking sleeping pills so I can actually sleep just to wake up and start it all over again.  Blah.  Work is not to bad.  I have changed though since I started working there.  I have gotten into a relationship with a 20 year old co-worker.  I really, really have mixed emotions about that.  I have started to have feelings for a boy who is one of my best friends.  His dad is my dads close friend.  Me and him became close friends when he started liking one of my best friends in August.  Since then they did not work out.  Needless to say we became close friends.  And now I care very much for him.  :/ Life is confusing.  Ohhh so gossip girl- I cried when Chuck told Blair he did not care.  It broke my heart.

Arg.  Michael is so confusing.  Today he hugged me after lunch and then kissed me on the forehead.  I was like "???".  It was odd.  I don't really understand him.  I also don't know why I am letting it bother me.  Its really not that big of a deal.  I don't really have feelings for him anymore.  I guess I will just have to see how things play out.  

Ok.  So on to other topics.  I REALLY REALLY want to get my reputation back.  Church is supposed to be the place you can come where people won't judge you and where they are always there for you.  Its not like that at my church.  The people in my youth group have judged me more than anyone.  They think that I am a whore.  I am NOT.  A bunch of them gossip about me behind my back and I am so over it.  I just want people to think good things.  Last night I tried so hard to be kind and respectful.  Even to people I don't like.  And even if it didn't change what people think about me it made me feel good.  :]]

Woah.  So I thought today would be a horrible day but so far I have actually been wrong!   So I'll start from the beginning.  Today I had a TON of stuff for my english scrapbook due and i had done none of it.  I spent all Sunday watching football. :]] (the chargers won btw!)  So Sunday night I get home from church and its around 7 and I had a ton of work to do.  I was up untill 4 this morning working.  I finally got it all completed and went to bed for about 2 and a half hours then got up and came to school.  THEN when I got to school I ended up having to walk in close to my ex Josh who i still have feelings for and it pretty much messed me up.  I thought the day couldnt get worse.  BUT suprise suprise it got better.  The boy who I had been talking to about three weeks ago before something made us separate came and said hey to me.  I thought it was kinda odd but just brushed it off.  Then after lunch I passed him in the hallway and he stopped and we talked.  It made me smile. :]] he gave me a big hug before I left and suprisingly it made my day.  Isn't it absolutly crazy how something like that can make such a big difference.  I was glad because it got Josh off my mind and thats number 62 (his football number lol) on my life list! haha Im working on stopping caring about him for good.  Its going to be hard.  I am gonna do it though...  Oh yea and then a few minutes ago my english teacher who really doesnt like me that much stoped me in the hallway to tell me that what i had so far of my scrapbook looked good!!! It made me feel like all my hard work was paying off yay!